For a while now I've been thinking of writing a little about my life from day to day.
I'm falling to pieces. 1 week and 2 days ago, my girlfriend broke up with me. 2 days later we got back together, and she said she needed space. I gave it to her. I barely texted her, I didn't ask her to come see me or if I could go see her.
2 days ago we almost broke up again. She hadn't texted me in several hours which was strange. I tried calling her... straight to voicemail. blocked my number, it rang 6 times, then voicemail. It seemed like she was declining my calls. I started to freak out. Even on the hardest days, she always talked to me. Something was wrong. Did she get into an accident? That was my thought. I texted her, called her several times. Over the next 4 hours there was no response. Finally she called. Her nephew had taken her phone and it ended up in his toybox, to die. When she finally found it she charged it and called me right away.
She had read my texts... and misinterpreted them. I have had jealousy issues in the past. Not because of her, but past relationships have forced me to put up my guard. She believed my texts were saying that I was thinking she was with another man, which I did not think at all. The text saying 'Is everything ok? Are you hurt?' should have tipped her off to that, but it didn't. The only way I was able to save the relationship was to insist that we stay together, and she take some time to her self. Throwing the relationship away when she tells me several times a day that she 'loves me' doesn't make sense. Love isn't something that can be thrown away. Fight for it. No matter what the costs.
That was Tuesday night. We decided that she would have her space, however we would still send 2 texts a day. One saying 'Good morning' and maybe a little bit more, one saying 'Goodnight'.
Wednesday Morning
Her(8:50am) - Good morning love on my way to work hope you have a good day I'll be thinking of you and I love you
Me(10:31am) - Good morning beautiful. Have a great day. I'll be thinking of you too. I love you.
Wednesday evening
Her(9:29pm) - goodnight babe hope you had a good day I love you
Me(9:30pm) - Goodnight babe. I love you. I hop you had a great day. Sleep tight.
Thursday morning(today)
Me(6:45am) - Good morning. I love and miss you.
Now I sit here at 6:25pm and she hasn't said a word. I need to give her space, I know... I have no one to talk to. I am going crazy. I googled the hell out of it and an overwhelming majority of people say that when someone 'needs space', it is the cowards way out. An 'easy letdown'. Breaking up over a longer period.
I need to save this relationship. When I met her I told myself I was never going to fall in love again. I fell. She told me she loved me first. No one has ever done that before. I truly believe she means it. She is still here after our fights. Most of which were my fault. I can't go through the rest of my life alone. I will openly admit that I am at the end of my rope and she is my rock. She is the only reason I wake up each day...
I want to fall asleep and never wake up. Today, my sun(her) never rose. I just want to die. I miss holding her. Kissing her forehead. The smell of her soft skin. I want to call her or text her so bad. I know she is at work right now so that is why she isn't talking now, but she went in at 1... and gets out at 9. I drive past her work on my way home from work. Her car was there. She is busy. I just have to tell myself that she will either text me or call me tonight.
My brother wants to go to trivia night down the street.. I need to but he isn't even here yet and it started at 630... its 631. I need something in this life to keep my sanity...
I am alone. No one will miss me.
